Adulting is So Very Hard to Do

Love this pic of my Mom and me, taken 2011 at the Ang Aking Awitin concert at the Music Museum. Credits to Norman Jimenez.

Welcome to your 30’s, or particularly, that time in your life where it is inexcusable to be immature and irresponsible. Granted, life has introduced me to this much earlier, but attitude-wise I feel like this is truly the decade where you start to become more accepting of certain life and people facts and stop blaming everyone but yourself. This is the time when you become more aware of your abilities and limitations, more accepting of them, more intentional, and sadly, also the time when you start taking care of the people who took care of you first.

For me, more than the face value of your age, it is when the adults in your life start to exhibit childlike characteristics that really pushes you to maturity (read: my mom). It is when you have to force them to go to the doctor to have that checkup, when you bribe them with a membership card just so she’d go to that social function because you’d like for her to maintain old friendships. Left to her own devices, she’d just stay in her fortress locked up with her Korean dramas. You make her do what she doesn’t want to because it’ll be good for her, and she’ll sulk at you like a teenager.

Man, times, people are changing.

I love my mother very much and I only wish the best for her. I’m still hoping that at 62 she’ll fall in love again, but knowing her she’s had it with men, haha. So Joey and i try to look after her health and wellbeing as best as we can.

Early this year she had her gallbladder and gallstones removed, and she’s up for another operation next month, but this time endoscopic only. We are hoping that she doesn’t have to undergo that anymore, so in addition to the medicine she is taking as assigned by her surgeon, we’ve started seeing a famous herbalist in Binondo, Dr. Tan. Perhaps tablets and bitter herbs combined can do the trick and melt those remaining gallstones. And while I love Divisoria, going there every week is pretty tiresome and stretching on one’s nerves, so in addition to a good night’s sleep I find that I also need to pack mounds of patience, for parking is a nightmare, my Mama hates walking, the wait is long, and save for lunch, she is in a perpetual bad mood. Have to keep the atmosphere light for both of us.

Financially, Joey and I have been preparing for the family, and our own future family, as much as we can. So thankful to the Lord because He always provides.. and I always pray that we will be good and faithful stewards of all that He gives. Since the beginning of our marriage, we have both agreed on our formula: we tithe 10% of whatever we get, set aside 30% of whatever remains as our “hindi pwedeng galawin” savings, and try not to spend the balance that much. I thought I was a miser until I met my husband (I hear my brother-in-law is the ultimate cheapskate though), but I think that’s good! We always seem to apply the “need vs want” rule, though sometimes we do have opposing views on what we actually need (he thinks one set of curtains is enough, I think two is the bare minimum). I recently discovered these private Buy and Sell groups on Facebook to his quiet consternation. i think he’s assessing if I’ll make a foolish, unnecessary buy but I am proud to say that I run every purchase by him, takot ko lang hehe!

Social Security. I finally, finally, FINALLY came around to applying for one, and have been diligent in my contributions. I remember how proud I felt announcing to my friends that I am now a member lol. Felt so adult to have all these numbers attached to my name. Must admit though that the primary reason for my applying for it was the maternity benefit (credits to my very good friend Princess Velasco for that info), now we’re just waiting for God to grant unto us a child should it be His will.

Ah, here we go. The child, the baby, the offspring, the modern process of which is the most adulting of all adultings. Endless checkups, blood tests, lying in the ob-gyn’s clinic, having cold instruments peering into your insides, hoping, hoping that everything is well, that you’re responding to meds, etc etc. Getting tired, taking a leave from seeing your doctor, and finally, finally, FINALLY learning that it is all up to God. Having a child is a gift, a blessing, something that He decides, not you. Realizing that the lessons learned during waiting is priceless, too. Maturity in spirit and disposition, the constant strive for contentment, the willingness for grace to wash and reign over you - in this sense, adulting is a fine, fine thing to go through.

I am still so far from the adult I want to be, particularly that of the cool-and-unfazed-by-anything kind with the perpetual zen smile. I look forward to the day when some well-meaning but hideously insensitive acquaintance will approach me with the dreaded “Wala pa bang laman ‘yan?” question, and I will be able to beatifically smile at her (yes, mga babae ang generally insensitive, sad to say), no snarky side comment in my head, but truly, genuinely not minding the question at all. 

Much, much growing up to do, in spirit and in character. So thankful that our Lord is slow to anger and abounding in love (Ps 103:8). Just imagine if the Almighty was just another person, man, he would’ve given up on me already. But He doesn’t. He gives us chances over and over again because He is love, the origin of it, and He can’t contradict his nature.

Life insurances, health and memorial plans, some investments here and there, we do our best with what we have and leave it all up to God. Try to cover all the bases, resting on the fact that everything rests on Him, and that He is always working for the good of those who love him (Romans 8:28).

So, cheer up. Adulting may be hard, but we will come out of it refined, better, wiser. Much better (though probably more haggard from reining in all our emotions) versions of ourselves. I wonder what 40’s will be like - most likely more settled but less haggard, hahaha.

Thank you for reading! Have a blessed week!

Bossa love,

Sitti 

Mama and me, Nov 2013. <3